1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,870 ♪ It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,273 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,743 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,980 ♪ On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:18,350 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:21,603 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,671 --> 00:00:23,354 ♪ All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:24,890 ♪ Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:30,095 ♪ He's a Family Guy ♪ 10 00:00:37,921 --> 00:00:39,121 Wow, you guys. 11 00:00:39,189 --> 00:00:41,134 I've never been to a restaurant where they cook 12 00:00:41,158 --> 00:00:42,524 right in front of you. 13 00:00:42,593 --> 00:00:44,604 Ugh. You know, later we're going to have to take 14 00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,895 one of those forced happiness family photos 15 00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:49,464 that come in the restaurant's tacky frame. 16 00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:52,634 Why are you so fucking negative all the time? 17 00:00:52,703 --> 00:00:56,437 I... uh... wha... I don't... uh, what? 18 00:00:56,507 --> 00:00:57,951 Come on, you guys, relax. 19 00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,085 Let's have a fun night. 20 00:00:59,109 --> 00:01:00,587 We haven't done anything as a family 21 00:01:00,611 --> 00:01:03,344 since we sat courtside at that NBA game. 22 00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:06,748 You okay? You guys okay? 23 00:01:08,451 --> 00:01:09,818 Great seats. 24 00:01:09,887 --> 00:01:12,287 Yeah, it's a whole different game when you sit down here. 25 00:01:16,794 --> 00:01:19,595 Huh, "samurai" or "geishas." 26 00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:20,863 Which one am I? 27 00:01:20,931 --> 00:01:23,051 I'll just wait till somebody else goes in. 28 00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:26,718 Well, that wasn't helpful. 29 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,954 Hmm, this one's holding a fan. 30 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,423 That's usually what I need when I'm done in a bathroom. 31 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,425 Oop, no urinals. 32 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:34,574 Must've guessed wrong. 33 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,680 Wow, look at this place. 34 00:01:38,749 --> 00:01:41,350 There's candles, hand lotion. 35 00:01:41,418 --> 00:01:43,262 Whoa, there's not even any swastikas 36 00:01:43,286 --> 00:01:44,852 carved into the toilet seat. 37 00:01:44,921 --> 00:01:46,688 And it's so peaceful. 38 00:01:46,756 --> 00:01:48,334 I haven't heard a guy's booming fart 39 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,002 the whole time I've been in here. 40 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:52,460 I feel more relaxed than a chick on Facebook 41 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,489 with her legs in front of a pool. 42 00:02:07,644 --> 00:02:09,155 All right, Lois, I'm off to the mall. 43 00:02:09,179 --> 00:02:10,423 I'll be back in about 20 minutes. 44 00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:11,780 Oh, what are you gonna buy? 45 00:02:11,849 --> 00:02:14,127 Nothing. After the other night, I made a decision. 46 00:02:14,151 --> 00:02:16,651 From now on, I'm only using women's restrooms. 47 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,920 What? You can't do that. You're a man. 48 00:02:18,988 --> 00:02:20,088 You'll get in trouble. 49 00:02:20,156 --> 00:02:21,267 Oh, I got that covered. 50 00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:22,768 I'm going to Anthropologie. 51 00:02:22,792 --> 00:02:24,604 I'll just ask them for something so ridiculous, 52 00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:26,339 they'll have to check in the back for it. 53 00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,947 And then I'll sneak into their ladies' room. 54 00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:31,650 Yes, I'd like a $4,000 ping-pong table 55 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,196 that's shaped like Easter Island. 56 00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,100 We have one right over there. 57 00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:38,707 Okay. 58 00:02:38,776 --> 00:02:40,654 How about a telephone that's made of vintage 59 00:02:40,678 --> 00:02:42,811 phone book paper and doesn't make or receive 60 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,724 phone calls or work in any way? 61 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,708 You mean like this one right here? 62 00:02:48,852 --> 00:02:50,797 - Right, but what if I wanted. - Sir, sir? 63 00:02:50,821 --> 00:02:52,465 There's nothing you can possibly imagine 64 00:02:52,489 --> 00:02:54,568 that's strange or useless enough that we don't have it 65 00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:55,824 here at Anthropologie. 66 00:02:55,893 --> 00:02:58,727 I know one thing you don't have. Black customers. 67 00:02:58,796 --> 00:03:01,296 Ah! I'm melting! 68 00:03:01,364 --> 00:03:03,031 Ha-ha! To the ladies' room! 69 00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,958 Wow, this is the nicest one yet. 70 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,439 Eh, what are the odds she's gonna show up? 71 00:03:25,689 --> 00:03:27,956 Did you get your ass kicked by Meryl Streep? 72 00:03:28,025 --> 00:03:30,225 No, it was just some low-class cockney woman 73 00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:32,661 from the mid-1800s and... 74 00:03:32,730 --> 00:03:34,362 Bravo! 75 00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:37,365 She is amazing. 76 00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:39,354 Thank you. 77 00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:42,270 Stay out of my crapper. 78 00:03:44,408 --> 00:03:46,208 And the Oscar goes to... 79 00:03:46,276 --> 00:03:49,611 Meryl Streep, for Stay Out of My Crapper. 80 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,974 Ah, the ladies' room at Wimbledon. 81 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,643 This must be the fanciest bathroom in the world. 82 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,356 Uh-oh, looks like these are in use. 83 00:04:14,237 --> 00:04:15,254 Deuce. 84 00:04:20,911 --> 00:04:22,088 Hey, uh, don't tell Mom that 85 00:04:22,112 --> 00:04:23,712 we don't use car seats with me. 86 00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,334 Unhand me! What do you think you're doing? 87 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,170 Okay, Stewie, you're gonna help Daddy by holding his iPad 88 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:35,407 while he watches season one of House of Cards. 89 00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:41,946 Wh... where was the house? 90 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,015 Where was the house of cards? 91 00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,318 All right, Stewie, time to go. 92 00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:48,653 Whoa, whoa. A little wobbly. 93 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,054 Guess my legs fell asleep. 94 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,141 Ah! 95 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,810 Stewie, Daddy can't feel his legs. Go get help! 96 00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,879 I'm hanging from a door, you idiot! 97 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,919 By the way, you're down to five percent battery. 98 00:05:05,089 --> 00:05:07,022 Oh, damn it, my head. 99 00:05:07,091 --> 00:05:09,335 Well, no wonder. You're running all the apps at once. 100 00:05:11,294 --> 00:05:13,494 Sir? Sir, can you hear me? 101 00:05:16,099 --> 00:05:17,099 There he is. 102 00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:18,633 Welcome back, buddy. 103 00:05:18,702 --> 00:05:20,718 - Who are you? - I'm a paramedic. 104 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,187 Name's Stryker Foxx. 105 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,906 Oh, Lois just texted. 106 00:05:24,975 --> 00:05:26,975 "Burgers or meatballs for dinner?" 107 00:05:27,044 --> 00:05:28,643 I'll text back for you. 108 00:05:28,712 --> 00:05:31,346 "Same thing, bitch. Just different shapes." 109 00:05:33,984 --> 00:05:36,084 Oh, this is gonna be fun. 110 00:05:36,153 --> 00:05:37,636 Oh, battery died. 111 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,416 Sir, you've sustained a head injury. 112 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,639 How many chicken fingers 113 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,419 am I holding up, and do you want one? 114 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,075 Three, and hell yeah! 115 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,245 Mmm. Aw. These are amazing! 116 00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,830 Did I die and go to heaven? 117 00:05:48,899 --> 00:05:50,543 Well, you didn't die, 'cause I saved you. 118 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,912 And you're not in heaven 'cause you're not holding a margarita. 119 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:54,903 Oh, wait a minute, yes, you are. 120 00:05:54,972 --> 00:05:56,916 You brought a lot of food in the bathroom. 121 00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:57,973 I always do. 122 00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:01,409 Oh, my God. 123 00:06:01,478 --> 00:06:03,111 Are you the coolest guy ever? 124 00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:05,291 Ah, that's just a silly title they gave me 125 00:06:05,315 --> 00:06:07,293 down at the Karate Paintball Dirt Bike Club. 126 00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:08,895 - Awesome! - Okay, well, 127 00:06:08,919 --> 00:06:09,919 bandaged you up. 128 00:06:09,987 --> 00:06:11,486 You should be good to go. 129 00:06:11,555 --> 00:06:13,621 But just be more careful next time. 130 00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:15,650 I know. What a stupid injury, huh? 131 00:06:15,692 --> 00:06:16,736 I haven't been this embarrassed 132 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,720 since I was a rookie firefighter. 133 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,930 Sorry, first day. Still learning. 134 00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:32,406 Hey, Stryker, wait! 135 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,253 Hey, listen, I just wanted to say thanks again 136 00:06:34,277 --> 00:06:35,317 for patching me up. 137 00:06:35,345 --> 00:06:36,611 No problem, buddy. 138 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,963 Hey, that's an interesting necklace you got there. 139 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,844 Oh, this? It's from when I was a kid. 140 00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,967 It's half of a "best friend" coin. 141 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,436 I always had this crazy dream 142 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,865 that one day I'd run into the guy with the other half. 143 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,695 Oh, my God. Cody? 144 00:06:53,764 --> 00:06:56,964 Oh, that must be the name of the dead surfer I found this on. 145 00:07:03,273 --> 00:07:05,151 We now return to the Olympics. 146 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,507 Ugh, it's so annoying. 147 00:07:06,576 --> 00:07:08,187 They always use football announcers 148 00:07:08,211 --> 00:07:10,105 for events they know nothing about. 149 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:12,408 The players are ready to take the swimming field. 150 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,499 And they're swimming! 151 00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:16,579 They appear to be doing the forward stroke. 152 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,936 My neighbor has a pool. 153 00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:20,115 I'll take a dip if I know they're on vacation. 154 00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:22,652 It's neck-and-neck, and it looks like Canada won! 155 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,756 Uh, no, they're going back the other way. 156 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,423 What do you think? How do I look? 157 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,547 Like a gas station energy drink. 158 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,360 But you put that on to go to the Clam? 159 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,629 Aren't the guys gonna think you're a little overdressed? 160 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:34,997 Oh, I'm not hanging out with the guys. 161 00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,253 I met someone new. 162 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,957 His name's Stryker and he's really cool. 163 00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:41,325 Like, he's one of those guys whose forearm hair 164 00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:43,354 makes his watch look even cooler. 165 00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:46,075 It's Stryker! 166 00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,800 I want him to think I was listening to a cool song. 167 00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:50,268 ♪ Pump up the jam ♪ 168 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,369 Yeah, who dis? 169 00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:52,537 Oh, hey, man. 170 00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,183 Oh, nothing much. Just getting slurped. 171 00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:55,273 Ew. 172 00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:56,541 Oh, you're almost here? 173 00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,154 Okay, just, uh, just give me a second 174 00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,378 so I can put away all my guitars. 175 00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:01,913 Okay, Seacrest out. Bye. 176 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,382 What the hell was that? 177 00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:05,450 Lay off. Nothing. 178 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,462 Does he always walk in slow motion? 179 00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:28,451 - Hey, Peter. - Hey, man. 180 00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:29,641 Hola, cha-cha, hi-hi. 181 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:30,808 Peter! 182 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:32,188 I don't know. It's-it's this house. 183 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,132 I-I got to get out of this house. 184 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,314 Boy, Dad sure seems excited. 185 00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,227 I know. I haven't seen him this giddy 186 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:41,052 since he discovered that single-loop roller coaster. 187 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,372 Ah... 188 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:47,408 Ah... 189 00:08:47,477 --> 00:08:49,744 Ah... 190 00:08:49,812 --> 00:08:50,978 Uh, don't feel so good. 191 00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:52,525 Ew! 192 00:08:52,549 --> 00:08:54,215 Ah... 193 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:55,595 Ew! 194 00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,051 Ah... 195 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,904 Ew! 196 00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,996 Wow, what a cool loft. 197 00:09:08,065 --> 00:09:11,115 I bet it cost a ton to make this place look unfinished. 198 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:12,328 Hey, come over here. There's someone I want 199 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:16,387 to introduce you to: 1997 George Clooney. 200 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:19,257 Wow! That's the coolest George Clooney there is! 201 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,959 Hi, George Clooney, second worst Batman. 202 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,772 Peter Griffin, second best Homer. 203 00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:25,474 You may have heard, I'm also known 204 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,476 for my practical jokes on the set. 205 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,368 One time, I nailed Nora Dunn in the head with an apple. 206 00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,937 That-That's hilarious 'cause you're handsome. 207 00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,740 Otherwise, you're just some dick who hit a lady. 208 00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,420 Aw, thanks for bringing me here, Stryker. 209 00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:38,821 I'm having the best time ever. 210 00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,005 Even better than when I lived in Santa Fe. 211 00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:45,433 Have you ever seen a prettier sunset? 212 00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:46,534 Never. 213 00:09:46,603 --> 00:09:48,302 It's just so peaceful here. 214 00:09:48,372 --> 00:09:49,604 It sure is. 215 00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,606 Mm. Sure is. 216 00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:54,976 Did you also have a very public meltdown in another city? 217 00:09:55,044 --> 00:09:57,846 - I did. - Yeah. Yeah. 218 00:10:07,958 --> 00:10:09,324 Ugh, it's the guys. 219 00:10:09,392 --> 00:10:10,692 What do those losers want? 220 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,710 Losers? Those are your friends. 221 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:13,944 Nah, they're lame. 222 00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,847 Not one of them has ever vaped at a funeral. 223 00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,761 - Hey, Peter. - Hey, what are you doing tonight? 224 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,162 We're gonna watch Cleveland 225 00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,732 put a garbage can full of coins in a Coinstar. 226 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,906 Sometimes it takes my buttons. 227 00:10:24,974 --> 00:10:27,014 Eh, thanks, guys, but I can't make it. 228 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,744 I'm, um, I'm getting re-circumcised. 229 00:10:29,813 --> 00:10:30,890 Got a wedding next week. 230 00:10:30,914 --> 00:10:32,458 I just want to clean it up a bit. 231 00:10:32,482 --> 00:10:34,193 - Oh, well, that's too bad. - Yeah, maybe next time. 232 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,418 That sounds horrible. 233 00:10:36,486 --> 00:10:38,531 Peter, why did you just lie to the guys? 234 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,199 'Cause I got plans with Stryker. 235 00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:41,784 I don't want them to embarrass me. 236 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,252 Eh, I get where he's coming from. 237 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,420 That's why I never introduce you to my friends. 238 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:46,510 What friends? 239 00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:49,013 Like the guys in my photography club. 240 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,349 "Dear Gary Glitter, Jeffrey Jones 241 00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,150 "and Jared from Subway, 242 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,787 "I feel like I'm the only one sending pics. 243 00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,816 "I love all the positive feedback, 244 00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,791 "but maybe you guys send a pic? 245 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,325 Anyway, here's more pics." 246 00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,235 Hey, you ever try that? Wingsuiting? 247 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:12,670 I mean, basically, yeah. 248 00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:14,283 One time, I jumped off a top bunk 249 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,574 with a towel around my neck like a cape. 250 00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,042 It was inside the IKEA. 251 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,989 I landed on a cardboard computer. 252 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,013 We should totally do that sometime. 253 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,347 Nah, I can't go back there. 254 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,376 They got my picture by the door. 255 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,986 Hey, he is in here. 256 00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:30,499 What the hell are you guys doing here? 257 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,168 We were coming back from the Coinstar 258 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,691 and saw your car out front. 259 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,594 Rough night. Turns out the can was all buttons. 260 00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:38,407 We're not gonna make our mortgage. 261 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:39,563 What are you doing here? 262 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,310 I thought you were too busy to go out tonight. 263 00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,845 Peter, who are your friends? 264 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:47,605 Oh, um... Stryker, this is Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland. 265 00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:48,984 How do you two know each other? 266 00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,986 Did you meet at the Harry Potter store? 267 00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:52,276 Peter loves that place. 268 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,046 It was one wand and I was using a gift certificate. 269 00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:57,760 No, we actually met when I was administering first aid to him. 270 00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:59,717 - I'm a paramedic. - For real? 271 00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:02,353 Hey, can I show you seven or eight things on my body 272 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,556 and ask for medical diagnosises? 273 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,958 This thing here that looks like a second elbow, 274 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,103 I don't know what it is. 275 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,739 Feels like it's filled with liquid. 276 00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,456 Well, I could take a look at it. 277 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,425 No, no, no, guys, guys, it's his night off. 278 00:12:13,449 --> 00:12:14,548 I have two pee holes. 279 00:12:14,617 --> 00:12:16,728 Stop it! Stop it. Guys, can I talk to you? 280 00:12:16,752 --> 00:12:18,719 Look, this, this right here 281 00:12:18,788 --> 00:12:20,565 is exactly why I've been avoiding you. 282 00:12:20,589 --> 00:12:22,734 I knew you'd embarrass me in front of Stryker. 283 00:12:22,758 --> 00:12:24,303 Who cares? He's just some dude. 284 00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,294 He's not "just some dude." 285 00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:28,040 He happens to be the first really cool friend 286 00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:29,213 I've ever had. 287 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,027 What are you talking about? We're cool. 288 00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:32,795 You are absolutely not cool. 289 00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:34,052 Oh, yeah? 290 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,098 Well, then why did those teenagers on the way in say, 291 00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:37,589 "Cool wheelchair, dick"? 292 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,435 Hey, look, Peter, if you're so embarrassed by us 293 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:40,925 and you think we're losers, 294 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,555 well, then we don't want to hang out with you, either. 295 00:12:42,579 --> 00:12:44,712 Good. Who needs you bums? I got Stryker. 296 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:45,997 Oh, yeah? 297 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,386 Well, I hope you two are happy together, you jerk. 298 00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,247 Cool wheelchair, dick. 299 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,591 Thanks. Did you see the backpack hanging off it? 300 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,632 Wow, you know, I never thought I could be talked into wingsuiting. 301 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,668 You're gonna love it. It's just a short hike from here to the summit. 302 00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,792 A hike? It's no problem. 303 00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:17,294 Shouldn't affect my old football injury. 304 00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,108 I spilled hot chili on my nuts. 305 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,910 You're a riot, Peter. 306 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,894 Hey, you sure you're up for this? 307 00:13:22,952 --> 00:13:26,153 Oh, hell yeah. When I commit to something, I go all the way, 308 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,302 like when I had Kathleen Turner's voice. 309 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,020 Good morning, guys. 310 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,721 Peter, what's wrong with your voice? 311 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:35,112 I got punched in the throat at the Clam last night. 312 00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,831 Now I sound exactly like Kathleen Turner. 313 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,984 I'm just gonna get my stromboli. 314 00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:42,787 Hey! Get away from my stromboli, Kathleen Turner! 315 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:58,452 Wow, that's, uh... that's some view. 316 00:13:58,521 --> 00:13:59,586 I know, isn't it? 317 00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:01,467 You see that rock formation over there? 318 00:14:01,491 --> 00:14:03,808 We're gonna fly right through the center of it. 319 00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:05,655 It's called threading the needle. 320 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:06,844 Totally intense. 321 00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:09,447 Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah. Or-or how about this? 322 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,356 Maybe you jump off this cliff 323 00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:14,752 and I spin around over there and sing Sound of Music. 324 00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,865 Or we could just go home and watch Sound of Music. 325 00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,401 I can see you're a little nervous, Peter, 326 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,791 but I'm telling you, it is easier than you think. 327 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:21,860 Watch. 328 00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:37,858 Wow, look at him go. 329 00:14:37,927 --> 00:14:39,193 You know, just when I thought 330 00:14:39,262 --> 00:14:42,212 he couldn't get any cooler, he goes... holy shit! 331 00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,081 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 332 00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:47,518 Oh! What-what just... There's almost nothing left of him! 333 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,264 And I just know I'm gonna be the one 334 00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,528 to have to identify the body. 335 00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:56,243 That's him. Poor guy. 336 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,512 He looks like a bowl of tomato soup. 337 00:14:58,581 --> 00:15:00,225 Guy next to him died in a fire. 338 00:15:00,249 --> 00:15:02,329 He looks like a grilled cheese sandwich. 339 00:15:03,286 --> 00:15:06,753 Oh, these two poor souls are the best combination 340 00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:08,189 for a rainy Saturday. 341 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,481 So, hey, guys. 342 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,817 What are we drinking? Beer? 343 00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:22,886 Hey, Quagmire, how about one of your famous sexual stories? 344 00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,055 Take a hike, Peter. 345 00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,201 Ah, oh, you mean something Joe can't do? 346 00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:29,209 Friendly jokes indicating closeness. 347 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,006 We heard about Stryker dying. 348 00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,046 Ah, craps. 349 00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:33,230 Yeah, give it up. 350 00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,143 We know the only reason you're here 351 00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:37,167 is 'cause your cool friend is gone. 352 00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,448 That's right. We're not your floppy seconds, Peter. 353 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,038 It's actually "sloppy." 354 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,285 Well, for me, it's both. But listen, you really hurt our feelings. 355 00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,554 You can't just treat us like garbage and then expect us 356 00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,355 to take you back like nothing happened. 357 00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:50,042 Okay, that's-that's too bad 'cause that was kind of my plan. 358 00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:51,410 Well, you can go to hell, Peter. 359 00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,379 We're tired of you taking us for granted. 360 00:15:53,403 --> 00:15:54,880 Yeah, and this isn't even the first time 361 00:15:54,904 --> 00:15:56,549 you ditched us for someone else. 362 00:15:56,573 --> 00:15:57,750 Remember when you blew us off 363 00:15:57,774 --> 00:15:59,694 to hang out with Jerry Seinfeld? 364 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,595 Julia Louis-Dreyfus has a lot of Emmys now. 365 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:05,763 Yeah. 366 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,935 Why did your wife steal that cookbook? 367 00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:19,910 Peter, I'm sorry about your friend Stryker. 368 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,313 I know it's got to be hard to watch a man explode 369 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:23,897 like a bug on a windshield. 370 00:16:23,966 --> 00:16:25,232 No, it's not that... 371 00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:27,601 I mean, I do see that every time I close my eyes, 372 00:16:27,670 --> 00:16:29,537 but it's the guys. 373 00:16:29,605 --> 00:16:31,216 They're really mad at me, and I'm afraid 374 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,235 they don't want to be friends with me any more. 375 00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,792 Well, it's hard to blame them. 376 00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,362 You treated them like you don't even care about them. 377 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,263 I do care about them. 378 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,166 It's just, when I hung around with Stryker, 379 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:45,470 people thought I was cool, and it felt good. 380 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,422 No one ever thinks I'm cool. 381 00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:51,158 Your friends thought you were cool, until you dumped them. 382 00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:54,094 Oh, wow, I guess you're right. 383 00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:56,497 I treated them like crap. 384 00:16:56,566 --> 00:16:58,799 I just got to find a way to make it up to 'em. 385 00:16:58,868 --> 00:17:00,201 You got any ideas? 386 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:03,170 Mom? Dad? Can Gary Glitter, Jeffrey Jones 387 00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:05,319 and Jared from Subway spend the night? 388 00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:10,039 I don't know, Peter, but it's got to be something really meaningful, 389 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,862 because imagine how they feel. 390 00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:14,982 After all, you were willing to jump off a cliff for Stryker. 391 00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:17,331 Well, they didn't say yes, but they didn't say no. 392 00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,303 You're right. 393 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,671 Thanks, Lois. 394 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,474 And now I know exactly what I have to do. 395 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,422 Uh, where the hell are you going? 396 00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:29,158 Lois told me to go jump off a cliff 397 00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:30,960 to prove my friendship to the guys. 398 00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:33,751 Are you, are you sure that's what she said? 399 00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:35,797 I don't know, Brian. Her shirt was kind of open. 400 00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,266 I was trying to get a peek down there. 401 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,330 Anyway, I got to go jump off a cliff. 402 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:46,230 Peter, wait. Hold on. This is crazy! 403 00:17:46,298 --> 00:17:47,298 Damn it. 404 00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:48,465 Where's Peter going? 405 00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:50,701 Huh? 406 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:51,902 Oh, for God's sake. 407 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,446 Hey, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe. 408 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,683 It's your buddy, Peter, and I'm about to thread the needle 409 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,152 to prove to you guys how sorry I am 410 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:10,488 and that I'd do anything to win you back. 411 00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:12,837 And if something goes wrong and I don't survive, 412 00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:14,069 you can go ahead and delete 413 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,004 the Kennedy Center Honors from my DVR. 414 00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,461 I'm never gonna watch that. 415 00:18:18,147 --> 00:18:20,214 Okay, here goes nothing. 416 00:18:20,282 --> 00:18:22,917 I just wish the sponsor on my suit was a little cooler. 417 00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:32,504 Peter, stop! 418 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:33,694 Don't jump! 419 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,090 Brian told us you were gonna... 420 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,591 Why are you wearing a douche suit? 421 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,882 They also make wipes! 422 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,411 They're not known for their wipes. 423 00:18:39,435 --> 00:18:41,179 Peter, you don't have to jump off a cliff 424 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,370 to prove you're sorry. 425 00:18:42,438 --> 00:18:44,350 Not all of us believe that, but we took a vote 426 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,457 and I agreed I'd respect the majority. 427 00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:48,103 Look, you really treated us badly, 428 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,371 but the fact that you'd be willing 429 00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:50,828 to literally risk your life 430 00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:53,064 just to show us how much you care, 431 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,882 well, that says a lot. 432 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,236 Listen, I'm so sorry. 433 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,383 If being cool means I don't get to hang out with you guys, 434 00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,541 then I don't ever want to be cool. 435 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:07,111 What do you say? Can we just go back to being friends? 436 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,791 - Of course. - You bet. 437 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:09,930 Totes McGoats. 438 00:19:09,999 --> 00:19:11,999 "Totes McGoats?" 439 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,152 Maybe you guys are cool. Fist bump. 440 00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,086 Ah, crap! 441 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,532 - Oh, my God! - Peter! 442 00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:19,168 Should I shoot him, make it go quicker? 443 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,557 I got a shot. 444 00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,287 Too late. You didn't answer quick enough. 445 00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,565 Hey, I'm doing it. 446 00:19:34,606 --> 00:19:36,474 This ain't so hard. 447 00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:38,075 Guys, I'm gonna do it! 448 00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:39,960 I'm gonna thread the needle! 449 00:19:40,028 --> 00:19:41,773 What? We can't hear you! 450 00:19:41,797 --> 00:19:43,598 We're very far away! 451 00:19:48,471 --> 00:19:50,337 Oh, my God, I did it! 452 00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:51,750 I was actually able to thread the... 453 00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:53,390 Oh, crap, Canadian goose. 454 00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:54,459 Look out, eh? 455 00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,930 Oh! Damn it! Ah! Son of a bitch! 456 00:20:06,889 --> 00:20:08,455 I think I'm okay. 457 00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:09,790 Ah, nickels! 458 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,859 Well, it's good to be back, you guys. 459 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,250 And I'm sorry again I dumped you for Stryker. 460 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,696 Who the hell is this Stryker guy you keep talking about? 461 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,733 What do you mean? He's that cool, handsome guy I was friends with. 462 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:27,374 He's the whole reason I went wingsuiting and hurt my head. 463 00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:28,609 Wingsuiting? 464 00:20:28,678 --> 00:20:31,244 Peter, you hurt your head in a ladies' bathroom. 465 00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,858 Yeah, your legs fell asleep and you bashed it against a sink. 466 00:20:33,882 --> 00:20:35,561 You were in a coma for two weeks. 467 00:20:35,585 --> 00:20:38,318 You must've dreamed about this Stryker or something. 468 00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:39,720 No, we were buddies. 469 00:20:39,789 --> 00:20:41,321 We rode on his motorcycle. 470 00:20:41,390 --> 00:20:44,291 And he introduced me to 1997 George Clooney. 471 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:47,105 Okay, well, right there you should've known it wasn't real. 472 00:20:47,129 --> 00:20:48,395 Huh. 473 00:20:48,463 --> 00:20:50,241 Well, whether it was real or not, 474 00:20:50,265 --> 00:20:53,801 I want you to know you are the best friends I've ever had. 475 00:20:53,869 --> 00:20:55,335 Of course we know that, Peter. 476 00:20:55,404 --> 00:20:57,216 Yeah, and we feel the same way. 477 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,118 Hey, this is a really weird question, 478 00:20:59,142 --> 00:21:02,192 but do you boys want to go out dancing? 479 00:21:02,244 --> 00:21:03,655 That night, 480 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:05,574 we danced until the sun came up. 481 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,365 We forgot all about my coma 482 00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,750 and my crazy dream about a cool guy. 483 00:21:09,818 --> 00:21:11,985 We were just four middle-aged men 484 00:21:12,054 --> 00:21:14,338 doing Ecstasy at a Mexican prom. 485 00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:16,723 I'm Peter Griffin, and these are my stories.